This can’t be happening! Why?! Why does it hurt so much? It’s burning! I need mummy!
‘Dozie noooooooo! Jesus Christ! God! No!’
I watch as daddy hits mummy. Again and again and again. For some reason, I cannot move. I find it weird. Just a while ago I was screaming at daddy to give me back my mummy and now, now I’m standing here, my cheeks burning where daddy hit mummy.
Is this where Daddy said mummy and I should learn? If this is it I don’t want it. I never want to be in this place.
Mummy’s screams pierce my ears.
‘Stop. Daddy please stop.’
I am barely able to hear myself and it seems daddy too. My eyes, they sting from the continuous tears and daddy’s slap. My headache has gotten worse.
It seems my voice finally reaches him because he stops. Mummy isn’t getting up. He turns to me and smiles. I feel a shiver down my spine.
He gets up slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, mine unable to leave his either. Ever so slowly he takes the first step towards me and my feet move on their own towards to door.
There’s something in his eyes. Daddy has never looked at me that way. I can’t turn back, I won’t turn back. I race out of the room and to the back door through the kitchen. I feel two large arms grab me from behind just as I’m about to reach the door handle.
‘Why not be a good girl for daddy and remain quiet. Don’t make me make you!’
I feel the sting but at the same time, I don’t. He pushes me to the floor. My chest. My chest feels like it’ll burst open any minute. I claw at his face with my hands, he rewards me with another slap across my cheeks. I’m briefly stunned. Daddy uses the opportunity to hold my arms above my head. I’ve never been more scared in my life.
‘Mummmmmyyy! , please help me! Mummmmy!’
‘No one is coming to help you.’
This man with this scary smile, who hit mummy and is holding me down cannot be daddy. Daddy would never act this way. Daddy isn’t… can’t…
I’m barely able to see anything anymore. I try to kick him but he uses his free hand to spread my legs. His knees securing them in place.
I’m more confused. I don’t understand what’s happening but I know deep down, I desperately need to escape.
‘Daddy please let me go. Please.’
My throat hurts from screaming. Maybe my screams angered him. Maybe if I beg, he will let me go. He’ll let me meet mummy.
‘You want it right? Yeah, I know you do.’
Want what? What’s he talking about suddenly. Is he asking if I want to go? I’m looking at him but his eyes are closed. Will daddy let me go now? My happiness is short-lived. He pushes my skirt up and pulls at my pant.
‘Daddy no! Mummy said no one should see my pa…’
I’m unable to complete my sentence. His huge palm covers my mouth.
‘Shhhh. Be a good girl and be quiet. It’ll be all over soon.’
Will it? Will it really be over soon? Then I’ll be very quiet. No matter what I won’t scream. Daddy removes his palm from my lips. I watch him unzip his trousers and push his boxers down. My eyes grow wide.
What’s that? It’s so long and big. What’s dad going to use it for?
I don’t have to wait long to find out. The pain. This sharp indescribable pain. I’ve never felt anything more painful. It’s worse than when I cut myself while peeling orange. It’s worse than the time I burnt my finger. It’s worse than the time I hit my head. It’s burning, throbbing, piercing all at once. I can’t help it, I scream out.
My throat is burning from screaming. Daddy doesn’t hear me. He’s going back and forth and back and forth. I want to die. I want to just die. I can’t take this.
I feel the hold on my arms release but I can’t move. I don’t even have to energy to. I feel so weak.
Daddy said it will be over soon. He promised. Is it because I screamed? Daddy why? When will soon come?
I feel something shoot inside me. I watch as daddy shivers and then relaxes. Not long after, he gets up from on top of me, wears his boxers and trousers and leaves me alone. On the kitchen floor. I try to sit up but the pain is unbearable. I try to close my legs and feel something wet on the floor. It takes the last energy I have to roll to my side. There’s blood on the floor.
I’m so tired. Maybe if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and this would have been a bad dream. Yes, sleep and wake up to mummy’s smiling face again.