I watch as Tosin approaches me and see that he’s serious. He really wants to force himself on me. My mind is racing, what can I do? What can I say to stall him as I think of something?
‘Tosin. You don’t want to do this.’
I move a little to my side that’s facing the door while focusing my eyes on his. The worst thing that can happen now is if he notices my movement. Neither Tosin nor Daddy must know I’m stalling for time.
Tosin stops and stares at me. My heart is in my throat. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
‘How do you know what I want? Hmm?’
He takes a step towards me and I move slightly to my right. It doesn’t seem like he notices but I don’t want to risk it so I stop.
‘I know because the Tosin I met then as a little girl was nice and kind and sweet. He was willing to help someone he didn’t know.’
I carefully watch Tosin to see his reaction but he remains silent, watching me. I return his gaze, refusing to back down.
‘Then when we met again, that night you brought me here and we made love. I won’t call it sex because it meant something to me.’
Growing bolder, I take a step towards him instead of away. His expression remains the same and I take it as an encouragement.
‘For the first time in many many years, you made me feel things I refused to allow myself to feel.’
I take another step until I’m close enough to grab the knife in his hands.
Not yet. I have to continue this as long as I can no matter how disgusting. At least until I can reach the knife with ease.
I don’t want to think about what I’ll do when I finally grab a hold of the knife or about Daddy. All I need to do is get it and then whatever happens happens.
With one last step, I’m able to wrap my arms around his waist and the other around his neck.
‘A slut just like her mother!’
I hear daddy’s words somewhere at the back of my head but I tune him off. There’s no room for distraction. If I make any mistake right now or Tosin catches on to me, I’m dead.
Tosin remains unmoving. Is this really a good sign? Should I stop now and make a dash for the door?
Just as I’m about to give up and run to the door, I feel Tosin’s body relax against mine.
‘You slut. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.’
I almost release a sigh of relief. I’m so glad he has a big ego.
Mustering all the techniques I’ve learnt over the years, I go on my tiptoes and slide my tongue into his ear, making sure to nibble on his earlobe. I can feel his urgency as his arms tighten around my waist. For a few seconds, I’m weightless till he drops me on the table I was leaning on. He drags my lips away from his ear and to his mouth.
The sound of steel against marble echoes in my ear and I’m immediately at alert. With one hand, I reach for the knife and with my other I pleasure him.
‘I want in on the action!’
Daddy’s voice surprises me and I almost drop the knife but I’m able to quickly regain my composure.
With every force I can muster, I stab Tosin at his side just below his armpit. The force he uses to push me away causes me to let go of the knife and fall from the table. My head hits the floor and I literally see stars.
‘You bitch! I’ll kill you! I’ll fucking kill you!’
I will my head to stop spinning while stumbling to the door. I’m not fast enough and I scream in pain when someone pulls me by my hair to the ground.
I force my head to see who’s pulling me and it’s daddy. Tosin is sprawled on the floor grabbing his side. I must have pierced something important because he’s bleeding out quickly.
‘Fuck! Dozie! Tha… t biiii… tch!’
The blood that’s pouring out from his mouth makes it difficult to hear him properly. I’ve never seen so much blood pour out of a person in my life. Not even when mummy died.
‘Doo… zie. Heel… p meee.’
Daddy pulls me by my hair and pushes my head towards Tosin’s until we are face to face.
‘Look at the face of your killer Tosin. I warned you before to fuck her roommate but you allowed your dick to think for you. See where that got you. You’re bleeding out like a fucking Cow during Christmas.’
There are goosebumps all over my body as Tosin reaches for me but his hands weakly drop to the floor. I can see the anguish in his eyes as he tries to speak but more blood spurts out. My eyes remain fixed on his, seeing him like this for some reason leaves me with a sense of relief. I watch him place his hand on the knife still sticking out of his side. He tries to pull it out but more blood flows out. My eyes shift to his chest, his breathing is laboured.
My mind begins to race. The state Tosin is in, he can’t do anything more to me but what about daddy? What does he plan to do with me?
‘You are quite the fighter. I never thought you would survive on your own for so long.’
Pain radiates all over my body as I’m dragged across the floor to the very table Tosin and I just left.
‘I thought for sure Femi would kill you. I’m glad he didn’t though.’
For a brief moment, I allow myself to release a sigh of relief.
So a part of daddy still cares about me.
‘I still need you to tell me where my fucking gold watch is first and then I’ll kill you myself!’
He pulls at my hair with so much force I scream out in pain.
‘I’m just getting started.’
My eyes sting from unshed tears.
‘Why?! Daddy why do you hate me so much?! What the fuck did I ever do to you?!’
‘Your very existence pisses me off! I never wanted you! I never wanted a child! Your slut of a mother trapped me with you and seeing your face makes my blood boil. You can keep the damn watch for all I care, killing you will satisfy me more.’
He spits and it nearly touches me. Suddenly, he lets go of my hair and before I can savour it, I feel a strong blow across my cheeks that send me to the floor next to Tosin’s dead body. His blood is on my hands.
On my face, my side, my legs, my arms. Pain radiates through my entire body.
I cough and all I can taste is my own blood.
‘Daddy pleassssse stop.’
I’m barely able to get my words out.
‘Who’s your fucking daddy?! I don’t want to ever hear you call me that! Ever!’
I feel another kick on my stomach and I scream out in pain.
I can barely see. My blood… or is it Tosin’s? Cover my eyes. No matter how hard I try to move my body, I just can’t.
Is this how I die?
Is this how mummy felt when daddy beat her?
Did mummy go through this with daddy for my sake?
I close my eyes.
Death can’t come fast enough. I’m tired of fighting. Tired of struggling. Tired of living. It’s only fitting that dadd… Dozie ends my life. Mummy’s killer.
My eyes are barely open but I see Dozie bring out something black and point it at my head.
‘Tosin was stupid to use a knife, good thing I’m not.’
I smile. How ironic that after struggling, fighting to live, to stay alive, I’m actually happy to die.
I close my eyes again. Smiling hurts my lips. They must be cracked because I can taste blood. Breathing hurts like hell. My ribs… I wonder if they’re broken but I don’t care. I’m about to be released from my misery.
And then it comes, the sound I’ve been waiting for…