Always know when it’s time to let go. To stop struggling against the current and understand that you need to accept the pain, the mistakes, the tragedies and just breath. Inhale… exhale.
When Eva was finally able to calm her self and get her emotions in check, she got up from the table, took one last look at the sea before walking away and heading for the exit. She took long strides as if running away from something or someone. She was already at the second exit when she heard a familiar voice.
She turned to see Benjamin hurry towards her.
‘Benjamin?’ She said in surprise. ‘Why… what are you doing here?’
Benjamin just took her arm and led her out of the building and towards the car park.
‘Oh! I eh… just came here to uh… get something for my dad!’ He concluded a bit more cheerfully than necessary. Proud of himself for coming up with such an ingenious excuse.
Eva looked at Benjamin, then his hands and scanned his entire outfit.
‘Where is it?’
‘Where is what?’ Benjamin asked seeming a bit confused.
‘The thing you got for your dad.’ Eva said, a smirk on her face.
‘Oh… I errr…’ He looked absolutely flustered as he stammered.
Eva just laughed and shook her head as she looked at him, a warm smile on her face that reached her sad eyes.
‘For a smart man, you’re pretty bad at making up excuses.’
Benjamin smile and then wrapped his arm around Eva’s waist to give her a side hug.
‘You did good today Eva. I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.’ He said as he led her to his car.
‘Thank you so much.’
‘You’re embarrassing me Eva.’ Benjamin said smiling as he allowed her lead him into the guest house.
‘You don’t understand what you did for me. If not for your not so gentle nudge, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to address my issue with Ebuka.’ Eva stated as she entered her room leaving Benjamin to relax on the couch. When she emerged few minutes later, she was putting on a large T shirt and her hair was tied carelessly in a bun. She relaxed beside Benjamin on the sofa, a bottle of water in her hand.
‘So? What’s the way forward?’
Eva sighed as she relaxed her head on the backrest, her face looking up. ‘You know, I’m trying my best not to think about the future.’
‘I’m sorry for bringing it up.’
‘No. It’s good you did.’ She began as she released a deep sigh, bringing her head up to face Benjamin. ‘I’ve been trying my very best not to think about it but I just can’t. My mind keeps drawing me back to the entire situation. Dissecting everything; what I did wrong, what I could have avoided, the way I should have handled it.’
‘No, I know what you’re going to say, ”Every one makes mistakes. You need to forgive yourself.” and you’re right. Everyone does and I do need to forgive myself but I also need to acknowledge the part I played in this whole Affair.’
She took a swig from the bottle of water she had in her hands and just kept staring at the half empty bottle in her hands as though she could see the best path for her to take in it.
‘I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Do you want anything?’ She suddenly said turning to face Benjamin.
‘What? Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.’ He said a bit surprised at how Eva changed the topic.
‘Alright then.’ Eva began as she stood up off the sofa. ‘I am mentally drained and need a good night’s sleep.
Benjamin quietly assessed Eva for a few seconds without saying a word.
‘Alright. Go to bed.’ Benjamin stated calmly as he relaxed on the couch. Eva turned to look at Benjamin as he took out his phone from his pocket, making himself more comfortable.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’
‘Fetching water from a well. What does it look like I’m doing? I’m making myself more comfortable.’
Eva just stared at him.
‘But I want to go to bed.’
‘Yeah. I know. I heard you the first time. I’m not deaf.’
Eva just shook her head as she walked straight into her bedroom, leaving a smiling Benjamin on the couch.
Benjamin couldn’t sleep as he tossed and turned on the couch. Finally giving up on any form of sleep, he got up from the couch and headed straight for the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water and was about heading back to the couch when he heard Eva sobbing through her bedroom door. He checked the time on his wrist band and it was 1:45 am.
‘Eva? are you okay?’
He heard Eva sniff through the door and say a muffled, ‘I’m fine.’
‘Eva, I’m coming in okay? Let me know if you don’t want me to and I will leave and pretend I never heard anything.’
He waited by the door for a few seconds and when he didn’t hear anything from Eva he opened the door slowly and quietly slipping into her room. The bathroom light was on so he was able to make out Eva’s shape and her bed as he moved towards her. Eva was in an upright position, her legs were folded into her chest, arms hugging them and her back was hunched into her folded them. She was still sobbing but not as much. Benjamin sat quietly on the bed and waited a few seconds for Eva to calm down before he spoke.
‘Is it because of your conversation with Ebuka last night?’
He watched Eva vigorously shake her head from side to side.
‘Are you worried about what will happen?’
Eva didn’t say anything. Benjamin moved a little closer to her and placed his hand gently on her hand.
‘Eva, I know right now it seems like everything is a horrible mess but it will get better. You will be fine.’
‘What?’ Benjamin asked in confusion.
‘Kosi called.’ Eva said a bit louder as she sniffed and tried to wipe the tears that had drenched her cheeks. ‘At first I didn’t want to pick up his call but then I left the house without telling him where I would be and I knew he would be worried so I answered.’
Benjamin kept rubbing her hand as Eva continued.
‘He asked me where I was staying and I told him I’m at your dad’s guesthouse so he doesn’t need to worry about me.’ There was a pause as she gathered herself. ‘Then he said there’s no way he won’t worry about me because I’m his wife and he misses me and wants to see me. That he loves me.’
‘And what did you say?’ Benjamin asked.
‘I told him I’m not sure I want to remain his wife after everything he did and put me through.’ Eva cried as fresh tears formed and began falling down her cheeks.
Benjamin immediately wrapped his arms around Eva and she did the same, her legs relaxing on the bed.
‘And I love him Benjamin, I still love him so damn much it hurts that I can’t be with him right now but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t think of Kosi without imagining what he did on out bed with that… that… I don’t know if getting back together with him is the right decision or not.’ Eva continued sobbing. Her nose was running but she didn’t care as she poured out her fears and worries.
Benjamin remained silent as he cradled Eva to himself, her tears staining his shirt. After a while, Eva finally raised up her head off his chest and Benjamin had on a quirky smile on his face.
‘You know, you don’t need to have everything figured out right now. Take your time and decide for yourself what you believe is right for you.’ Then he held Eva’s face between his two palms. ‘Just know that my dad and I will be here to support you in whatever way we can.’ When Eva kept looking at him without saying anything he added, ‘Is that ok?’ Eva nodded her head.
Benjamin got up from the bed.
‘You’ve had a very eventful day, why not empty your mind of Ebuka and Kosi and enjoy a good night’s rest. Maybe we can do something later today.’ Benjamin said with a soft smile. Eva smiled back, ‘I’d like that.’ her voice still sounded a bit chocked.
‘Goodnight Eva. I’ll be on the couch if you need anything.’
Eva nodded softly as Benjamin left, closing the door behind him.